Who else looked at the picture and spent two minutes pronouncing gullible to see how it sounds like oranges? I did.
I have been postponing this post for some time now so here goes. Sir Farouk, this is for you.
Nigerians are very inventive people. I love the Nigerian trait of hustling and working. Rarely will you see a Nigerian just sitting down and doing nothing especially when they don’t have much. They go out and make their money. The issue of concern is the means by which they go on their “pursuit of money”.Some go to the market and sell their goods, sell on the roadside or take up employment as house help or cleaners. Others engage in illegal activities such as armed robbery, 419 (advanced fee fraud) and the desperate ones resort to visiting witch doctors for juju. There’s another set of people that sell fake products such as medicine which the National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control (NAFDAC) are cracking down on and fake beauty products such as skin lightening cream.
When it comes to buying things anywhere in the world, the buyer has to be wary of what they are buying (caveat emptor = buyer beware). What buyers need to be wary of are products that are said to be misleading.
On my way to the East, there was a man on the Chisco bus, Dr Honey. I believe that he was being misleading about the products. I should also add in my opinion just in case he reads this and decides to sue me for libel. He told everyone on the bus that the two products he was selling could cure multiple diseases such as HIV, cancer, high blood pressure and so on.
It’s a shame that people actually bought it and they believed him but I thought what he was saying was funny because of the way he delivered his pitch. In a way, it was like Mr Ibu trying to sell. There are two sides to my post. I’ve acknowledged the serious side, now it’s onto the funny. He stopped the first part of my journey from being boring! It may be long so my apologies.
I had to wake up early to get to the bus park so I slept off soon after the bus departed. When I woke up, I noticed that a guy was standing and I immediately thought that he was a preacher. I went back to sleep but when I woke up again, I realised I was wrong.
The first was called “Bitters”. With the list of diseases Dr Honey was listing, I assumed that it could cure every disease known to man. He said it:
- 1. Cures pot belly in women “It is a fat burner”
2. Helps men with their privates “It makes it like Iron!”
3. Reduces heart failure
4. Cures fibroids
(What he said is in bold font)
Bitters can be mixed with milk. “There was a time I drank it and it was bitter. I got a pot belly and I said ‘Me? God forbid! I cannot wear what I like!'” He yanked his shirt to demonstrate. “When I drank it for 7 days. My boxers! Some of them are still in Abuja! I lost weight! When I drank it everyday, I began to use medium. You don’t believe it? Let me show you my pant (said it like piant!) “Look at it now!” He pulled at his trousers. “You can see the age on it! Aaaaaah! I say lady, put your eyes on my belt! Put your eyes on it directly! People can never believe your age if you are drinking this bitters!'”
While he was talking, I was furiously taking notes on my phone. I looked at him from time to time but turned away when he looked at me so he wouldn’t think I was interested in his “original” product.
He was quoting bible passages while “preaching” about Bitters. This is an obvious tactic used to warm up to customers in order to get them to buy products.
Next up was Moringa Oleifera. I’ve never heard of it before and I thought it was fake but it turns out it’s real, though I’m not sure if what he was saying was 100% correct. According to him, Libyans have been using it for years. They call it ‘Magic’. Indians have been using it for the past 400 years. Northern Nigerians without knowing the medicinal properties, apparently. “You’ll hardly find a Hausa man that suffers from diabetes because he goes home, takes Moringas and pours it over whatever he eats.”
Moringa Oleifera allegedly regulates blood sugar and keeps people from suffering high blood pressure. It also helps those with sickle cell anaemia. He told us the story of a boy suffering from sickle cell anaemia and was near death. His father took him to a hospital and a doctor pulled him aside saying that hospitals cannot help. He told the father to buy Moringas. The boy drank it and became well soon after. It also cured a couple with HIV.
America, South Africa and Libya have invested millions in Moringa Oleifera. “Nigeria has not donated 10 Kobo!” We have a lot of it in Katsina state though. It’s good for children, can recover a malnourished baby and also has:
- 1. 5x more calcium than fresh milk
2. 4x more protein than soya beans
The Moringas he was selling looked like a jar of green hair cream except it was grainy in texture.
It is sold in England. My ears perked up when he said this and I laughed when he said what it was sold as: “It is used in England and served in restaurants as Bloody Mary. Waiturr, waiturr! Can I have a Bloody Mary please?” I googled this on the internet and it seems to be true.
It also helps men with their libido. It takes 7 hours for a man to recover and Moringas minimises that. “I can even donate babies. I can impregnate a barren woman. It can satisfy 700 wives and 300 concubines. Solo! Solo!”
Some of you don’t believe me. Oya, let me mix it for this guy to drink. Oga!
Please who can borrow me take away spoon here? Let me mix moringa and honey so this man can lick it. If you mix it, before you drink it make sure your wife is around and don’t tie wrapper. She will even greet you in the morning “sirs”, pray against any evil against him and transfer it to her father’s village so it can kill the village chief.”
Dr Honey should have been a comedian. That is his true calling. I am not sure whether everything he said was true. It can be googled. It’s worrying that he’s lying that Moringa Oleifera and Bitters cure HIV, cancer and other diseases.
That’s all from me. I’ll be back with another post soon.